Preparing for our own death

Anything that is not brought out and fully confronted, fully come to term with, can have power over you.  ... But through contemplation, through attention and consciously finding ways of bringing this fact into the mind and coming to terms with it, fear can be overcome. This is why the contemplation of death is one of the main contemplations in Buddhism.

--Ajahn Jagaro

All Buddhist traditions use the contemplation of death to inspire diligent practice and deepening understanding. While each tradition may use a slightly different method, in general, these would include practices such as:

• Recollecting each day that life is short. Although the time and cause of death are uncertain, death itself is certain.
• Reflecting on the impermanent constituents of the body and its susceptibility to aging and sickness.
• Reflecting on how our thoughts, speech, and action (kamma/karma) reflect the condition of our mind, both now and at the time of death.
• Learning and refining practices to settle the mind so as to be able to enter a state of calm at the time of death.

As we contemplate our own deaths, here are some steps we may wish to take:

• Clarify our own understanding and beliefs around death
• Identify what we may wish to accomplish or to have undertaken before we die
• Deepen our understanding of what it means to us to let go
• Outline clearly what we want our loved ones to know before we die
• What types of support we would wish for before our death, during the dying process, and after death
• Contemplate what a good death means to us
• Describe the funeral we would like for ourselves and any ceremonies we would like to be performed before, during, and after our death

Because the circumstances of our death are unknown, we can practice compassion by letting our loved ones know our wishes for the time of our death. There are many formal, legal ways to do this in the West, but absent these, we can share basic information verbally or in a short letter. This may also take the form of an advanced care directive (see a sample here and another one here). This information may include:

• What practices we would like done to support us as we are dying
• What conditions, if possible, we would like created for our death (e.g., quiet, low lights, a Buddha statue in the room, etc.)
• How we wish our bodily remains to be treated
• Which spiritual friends and teachers we would like to be notified of our impending death, if there is time
• If we wish for a memorial service or funeral, who we would like to conduct it

In the U.S., there is a document called an ethical will, which passes on an intangible legacy to our loved ones. We may wish to create a formal ethical will or simply to write a letter that expresses our spiritual understanding. Such a letter may be read aloud at our funeral or memorial service and distributed to our loved ones as a spiritual gift.