Planning a funeral

When a man dies, the karmic sequence of his conduct passes on into a new being. Kith and kin, friends and relatives can accompany the dead body up to the grave, but not further. Only a man’s deeds, good or bad, go forth with him. Those left behind should bear their bereavement with calmness and understanding. Death is an inevitable process of this world. That is the one thing which is certain in this universe.

--Ven. K. Sri Dhammanada

A Buddhist funeral may take many different forms, but the emphasis may generally be said to be on three things:

1. Supporting the transition of the deceased to a new and auspicious rebirth
2. Recollecting the impermanence of life as a reminder for the living
3. Making offerings to gain merit, which may then be offered as a boon to the deceased

This paragraph nicely sums up the overall sense of a Buddhist funeral:

The funeral must be simple, with the least amount of fuss, but with dignity. Perhaps the most sensible thing to do would be for the immediate members of the family and close friends to have an informal discussion on the best way to conduct the funeral service in conformity with prevailing practice, with quiet dignity and without incurring unnecessary expense. If they are unable to attend to these themselves, then it is advisable that this be left to a reputable undertaker as he would understand all that is to be done and thus will take much trouble and responsibility off the relatives’ hands. Advice may be also sought from a respectable monk who can really guide the family as to what would be the best way to conduct a funeral in a befitting manner that would be in accordance with the Buddhist way of life. It has to be remembered that as far as Buddhist rites are concerned there are no hard and fast rules to be strictly observed. In this as in all matters, we must always try to follow the Buddha’s advice to maintain moderation and respectability in whatever we do, without causing harm to others. If we can use the occasion to contemplate with gratitude the good work done by the deceased during his life time, to remember that we ourselves will have to depart some day and that we should do whatever good we can for so long as we live, then our contribution would be meaningful and dignified.